I felt like writing down everything that's going on in my head, cause sometimes it gets kind of overwhelming trying to keep everything in there @_@
This isn't really meant for anyone to read, but I suppose you're welcome to.

I'm so fucking pissed off at my fiance's grandma!!!!! D:<
..... That sounds way meaner that it should XD..... It's not like she's some nice little old lady or anything, though, she's EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!! >
She screams at my baby about the stupidest shit and she never listens to her and she's starting to only let us see each other for three hours a day...... THREE HOURS..... I don't know if I can do this....... DX I need my nummy wummies...... she's my everything.... I can't live without her.....
And on top of that, I'm never able to stand up for her when her grandma does all this crap because in the end her grandma makes the rules and if I make enemies with her I might as well just shove a shotgun up my own ass. If her grandma hates my guts she won't EVER let us see each other....
So now I'm worried that she thinks I have no backbone or don't care enough to speak up and tell her grandma that she's full of shit.....
I've realized that I have a major inferiority complex.... ._.
And no self esteem.... and apprently girls find confidence attractive and enjoy being around confident people.... well.... that worries me because I'm certainly not confident... so it must suck for my baby to be around me.......
I don't know why I can never just be relaxed and make her laugh... even though we're engaged and I know nothing could ever make her leave me, I'm always so nervous around her..... I can never just.. DO things right..... I don't know why.....
That's the main reason why I'm so jealous of every single other male being she knows >_<
I just feel so inferior because they're all so much better looking and for some reason they can act more naturally than me and make her laugh and smile and AUGH DX
I'm pathetic.....
And good lord, I need to shower more... I'm always just so excited to spend time talking with Emmy that I never take 10 minutes off and shower.... DX i disgust myself....
other guys are cleaner than me as well....
jesus christ, I need to stop worrying about other people @_@
I need to relax and just be me instead of thinking she wants me to be more like someone else....
I'll probably make her smile and laugh more...
I gotta stop worrying...
BUT HEY~!!!! X3
I'M SO EXCITED~!!!!!!
We're working on our manga, which we will upload to SmackJeeves sometime in the possibly near future~
It's so fun to be making something liek that with her X3
I wish I was there WITH her to do it, though....
we could just sit together in her room and drink grape soda and work on it together and snuggle and take breaks to play wind waker and make out and wrestle.....
._. god it would be so fucking fantastic....
I love her so much X3
ugh, it's so hot in my room DX
shower now please
But it's only 5:20....
._. nobody's awake, and the shower will wake them all up....
Slowly getting better at The Hell Song intro on the guitar X3
speaking of which if I don't learn my chords soon I'm going to tie myself naked to a chair and burn my kneecaps off with a molten hot trout DX

California is playing and it makes me think that Emmy probably wants me to be more... I don't know....
I always just kind of go with things now because I'm always afraid of hurting her or making her mad at me now...
I never suggest anything or do anything like...
"LET'S RUN AWAY X3" anymore ._.
I still think those things...
hmmmm..
none of that came out right, I don't think....

God I miss her.....
TT_________TT
mmm, but she'll be on soon X3
hopefully, she's probably pretty sleepy, so it might not be for a while ._.
oh well~
X3
I'd rather she gets well rested~
BUT AUUURGGGHHHH!!!!!!
I CANNOT COVER CARAMELLDANSEN ON THE GUITAR!!! TT_TT
It's too far down the neck on the acoustic... the freaking 12th fret....
I know exactly how to play it, it just never works because it's so hard to play down there...
pfft... sounds almost kind of sexual.... like cubicle....
SCHOOL STARTS SOON!!!!! DX
It's going to be a long and joyous school year full of asshole preps and gangsta wannabes.....
oh well, it's also a good thign that it's starting because if I make straight A's on my first report card, I can go see my nummies again~!!!! X3333333333333333333333333
I can't live so far away from her... I need to BE there....
everything just feels so much more....right, when she's there for me to hold and there to hold me....
I can't wait until I can move out there and we can get married X3333333333333333333333333333333333
mmmmmmmmmmmmm~
Was thinking about making some youtube poops.....
._. kind of at a creative loss right now though.....
I kind of go into a mental tantrum when I'm away from her
......god i must seem so needy and dependant... she probably hates it DX
I just.... I don't... ARGH ><
oh well, we'll figure it all out X3
...well... I'm not at a COMPLETE creative loss.... I have this vague idea for a video game... and I would LOVe to pursue it and make it real.... but that takes years and years and lots of money....
and that's all time and money I'd much rather be spending with my lovely Emmy~
but I think they're good ideas.... And since I'm already barfing up all of my thoughts, I might as well put them down here, too.
Well.... hmm... just some descriptions of what I was thinking...
So I was watching my nummies play Wind Waker and I was thinking "It would kick universal ass if this was a multiplayer game O_O"
and then I was also thinking
"It would kick almost as much ass if they remade this with the Twilight Princess graphics style O_O"
and then I thought
"O_O IT WOULD KICK ASS IF THEY REMADE TWILIGHT PRINCESS WITH THESE GRAPHICS"
So then I was all "Shadow of the Colossus is awesome =w="
out of nowhere and I just got this idea of a game like Wind Waker, where you have a boat and you sail around to hundereds of islands aty your own pace and leisure in any order you want, and each one has quests and stories and adventures and suprises in it, except it would also be multiplayer, I was only thinking two player but I suppose it could be more, and your characters never talk *angelic chorus* like in The Legend of Zelda, and you couldn't customize their looks, but there would be tons and tons of equipment items to make you look cooler. I was only thinking that you start with a sword and a bow with possibly unlimited arrows. And you would just sail around exploring, killing monsters, doing Zelda-ish stuff, and meeting all these colorful characters like in the Zelda universe. Just a game that you play however you want to. I guess there could be a main story, but you wouldn't really have to ever do it. It would be on one screen until the characters got far enough apart and then split screens like in War of the Monsters. And there would just be a bunch of side stuff to do everywhere, like fish, and ride animals, and explore places, and do stuff for NPCs.... and when you were sailing, there would be all sorts of cool stuff out on the ocean. It sounds like a hell of a lot of fun to play wiff my nummies X3
Damn, I love LittleBigPlanet XD
I want to play it REALLY bad for some reason.....
It's SO AWESOME X3

just like Shadow of the Colossus >:3
which i played the other night
and it's so epic OWO
for the last one I fought, you have to go through this deserted canyon until you find this little underground passage that leads you to this huge abandoned and destroyed roman colossium place. And the colossus is a giant lizard skunk thing in the middle. So you have to run around and shoot arrows at it to piss it off while dodging it's lazor eye beams until it eventually gets so angry that it climbs up the wall to get a better shot at you. Then while it's climbing, you shoot its feet so it falls off of the wall and lands on its back, then you leap off of the like 56th story of the arena you're in and land on its belly and stab the shit out of it before it throws you off and gets back up. You basically just repeat that until it dies, which is sad ._.
cuz it never really did anything wrong....
Wander is like one of my favorite video game characters ever X3
He's so in love that he goes and steals his village's most sacred artifact and rides for miles to a completely abondoned peninsula that his people are forbidden to go to without a second thought. Then he makes a deal with a totally creepy demonic voice and goes and single handedly tracks down and slays SIXTEEN monsters twixe the size of the statue of liberty, all for his girlfriend.
I would do it for Emmy in a heartbeat X33333333333333
Assuming I needed to, which I won't X3
Because she's not going to get sacrificed in some creepy religious ritual.
Because I won't let that happen.
D:<
NO MATTER WHAT!!!
I'm going to write a song for her, in fact X3
god I love her so much~
I LOVE EMLY DACHS~!!!!!!!
AND I WILL DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE SURE I BECOME A BETTER FIANCE!!!!
I WILL RELAX AND HAVE FUN WITH HER AND NOT WORRY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!
I WILL MAKE HER SMILE AND LAUGH EVERY DAY!!!
I'LL FIX ALL OF HER PROBLEMS WITH HER!!!!
I'LL BE THE BEST I CAN BE~!!!!!!!
X333333333333333333333333333333333333333 33333333
fuck, what am i so worried for~
She LOVES me~
and I LOVE her~
I just gotta stop worrying that I don't kick as much ass as everyone else in her life and kick that much ass!!!!!!
>:3
It's all in my control~
AND I WILL DO IT~!!! X3
mmmmmmmmmmm~
I miss her kisses~
X333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333
I know I wasn't as rough and "forceful" and playful as she would like when i visited, but it was only cause I was afraid of making her uncomofrtable X3
next time i visit, i'll drive her crazy in all the right ways~
I know I can X3
we're in love~
But I'm all out of things to rant about and I need a shower and some breakfast
I LOVE MY NUMMIES~!!!!!!
X333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333333333333333333333333